One pair of Levi’s ¾ Bottle of olive oil Small sack of potatoes ½ a bag of cheese ¾ of a bag of Craisins ½ a tube of toothpaste Roughly 6 Dude Wipes Bottle of statin medication Big jug of protein supplement Container of creatine supplement Box fan One pair of black socks Three rolls of toilet paper Tattered brown leather belt About a ½ dozen eggs

I’ve worked at Chadron State College for 11 years, and since Chadron is roughly 100-miles from Rapid City, where my wife and I have lived for about 27 years, I do a bit of commuting during the school year. I don’t drive every day, generally I head out Monday morning and come back home on Thursday.

No, I don’t sleep in my office or my car while I’m in Chadron, I have an apartment across the street from campus. A swanky “studio” apartment. I believe “studio” is Latin for “small enough to fry eggs, do dishes, and brush your teeth without leaving the comfort of your bed.”

This past week I arrived at my apartment Monday morning to drop off my duffel bag before walking across the street to campus, and when I entered my apartment, it was not as I had left it the week before. The cupboard doors were open, the bedding was tossed aside, the mattress was askew…something was amiss, and some things were missing. Little by little the list above took shape. A list of things that were stolen from my apartment. I had been robbed.

It’s an odd thing to stand in your apartment, knowing that someone had been in there doing a bit of discount shopping. Perusing your stuff, while sipping on the ½ empty bottle of orange juice you left in your fridge…or perhaps ½ full…so it goes.

One of my coworkers was impressed that I knew exactly what was missing, and I explained that when you are the sole occupant of a “studio” space you tend to know exactly what items occupy that space with you. There is no blaming the dog for running off with your toothpaste and Craisins, things are always right where you left them. Until they’re not.

Until someone who looks a lot like your neighbor is caught on surveillance camera crawling through your window at 11:02PM the Sunday prior to your Monday morning arrival. When I called the police to report the thievery, an officer stopped by, looked around a bit, and asked me what was missing. I rattled off the grocery list of items and he said they were going to go visit with my neighbor to ask if he had seen anything.

Apparently, he had. A few hours later I was walking back to my apartment and the police had my neighbor in handcuffs. The linchpin? The Dude Wipes. When the police were visiting with him to determine if he had seen anything they noticed the Dude Wipes, and he got a bit shifty when asked about them, so they obtained a search warrant a broke the case of the Studio Shopper wide open.

The perpetrator wasn’t a disgruntled student, just some 21-year old dude that was in a tough spot and made a bad decision. Out my window and into jail in a little over 12 hours…I wish him well. I have yet to learn the fate of my stuff.

What is the street value of statins and cheese?