Well it’s been a wild and woolly start for 2021 here in the U.S. of A. I’m hoping to hang my hat on the old adage, “this too shall pass”, provided I can keep looters from running off with my hat and the hook I hung it on. I’m confident all will be well…eventually.

They say optimism can generally be labeled as courageous or naïve, but I’d like to propose sliding “hopeful” into the middle-ground. Hopeful, but at least a rutabagas toss away from delusional.

Speaking of “rutabagas toss”, the Black Hills area is well known for many things; saltwater taffy, tacky t-shirts, Mt. Rushmore (I think it’s still there), and hail storms. Like many in the area, our house and vehicles took a beating this past year.

One of the vehicles may have been spared if our garage hadn’t been full of all the furnishings we had to move out of our basement when it flooded. So it goes.

One of our cars was beat into submission and deemed a “total loss” by the insurance company. I thought “total loss” was a bit harsh, and made a note not to put an insurance company in charge of deciding whether or not to “pull the plug” on any healthcare decisions I may encounter.

In the event a “hail storm” ever descends upon me, I’ve hand selected who I believe to be somewhat reasonable folks as my healthcare proxy’s to make the optimistically courageous decision regarding whether my dings and dents constitute a “total loss”. I’m extra gracious to these folks, and hopeful their courage is never called upon…for my sake and theirs.

In hindsight, it is a bit troubling that they all so eagerly accepted the request to be included in my advance care directive?

Back to the cars. In short, we found ourselves in need of vehicle, which also put us in need of a car dealership, and inevitably, a car salesman. Some people enjoy this process. My wife and I are not some of those people.

The test driving while attempting conversation with the stranger in the backseat, the price haggling with the previously mentioned stranger in the backseat, who defers any possibility of “deals” to the manager.

The manager, nameless…faceless…mysteriously shrouded from the sights and sounds of the groveling masses and their unreasonable requests and demands. Did you know floor mats are not “standard equipment” in some new vehicles? “Thankfully” the manager took pity upon us and “threw them in” as part of the deal. Along with a key chain. Be still my heart.

Along with floor mats, our new vehicle also has a function that I’ve grown quite fond of, Driver Assist Steering. For about 15 seconds I can let my “assistant” take care of all those pesky steering responsibilities while I attend to more pressing matters.

Making a sandwich, scratching an itch, scratching an itch with a sandwich…if you’re into that sort of thing…weirdo. Hopping into the backseat to knock off a few pushups, do some quilting, put on a puppet show for oncoming traffic…the possibilities are endless.

I did find out that after about 10 seconds the assistant will begin nagging you to steer with threats that it is going on a union mandated break, and at 15 seconds it makes good on that threat. Until then your time is your own to use as you wish. Isn’t that what we all want?