I propose that at the conclusion of any workplace meeting a vote should be taken to determine if those subjected to the meeting found it useful in any way. In any way, large or small, did the meeting contribute to your life?

If the predominate response is “I found the meeting to be quite informative and useful” fair enough…doubtful, but fair enough. But, if the response is “as a result of this meeting I am no wiser, merely an hour older” then whomever was responsible for that meeting must face consequences. Consequences that will dissuade them from subjecting others to such soul sucking drudgery again.

Although moderately justifiable, I’m not proposing that they be subjected to any form of physical punishment or public ridicule. This may offer short-term satisfaction, but as we’ve seen time and time again, in the long-term, only serves to fuel villainous motivation for revenge. Basically, the premise for the majority of movies, television shows, and dictatorships.

The consequences I am suggesting to dissuade people from stealing time from others, and failing to replace that stolen time with anything of worth, purpose, or value, would require the thief or thieves to give an hour of their pay, and an hour of their vacation time, to each person subjected to the uselessness.

I work at a college, and we are only a month into the school year, but if my proposal were instituted, I would already have accrued enough time and money to take the rest of the year off. I keep hoping that one day I will stroll out of a meeting with a spring in my step, my brain dripping with fresh insight, motivated and invigorated by the pearls of wisdom bestowed upon me. I keep hoping…for over 20 years…I keep hoping.

In the meantime, hope can find me at the back of the room, back where the lighting is bad, making it difficult for the den of thieves to see my eyes roll in contempt, or to even discern if my eyes are open at all. Back where I can laugh when I shouldn’t, and remain unresponsive, and unimpressed, when they think I should.

The problem is, the seats fill up quick back there, creating a bit of quandary that necessitates one arrive early to a meeting they don’t want to come to in the first place. So it goes. If the seats are all taken, you can always stand in the back of the room…counting bald spots to keep your mind from stalling out. Everyone will assume you’re one of those anti-sitting zealots, or you have hemorrhoids, either way, they’ll leave you alone.

Time is precious, and those that take it indiscriminately should pay for their crime. Join the fight against time thievery in the workplace. See your local representative at the next useless meeting. They can be found at the back of the room. If you are in charge of scheduling meetings, don’t, the revolution begins with you.