I’m not much of a believer in “signs”, as it seems to me that we can contrive whatever meaning suits us from whatever it may be that we decide to take as a sign. I’m not talking about traffic signs, signs warning of rattlesnakes or falling coconuts, those are generally to be believed and leave little room for individual interpretation.

Regardless if you believe or not, the laws of gravity and a falling coconut may conspire to render you unconscious. Making things easier for the rattlesnake. Coconuts and rattlesnakes have been in cahoots for years. Snakes, and sticks masquerading as such, give me the willies. Poisonous, harmless, dead…all equal in the level of the willies they produce.

Evolutionary biologist say that the fear response us human types have when surprised by a snake has been well honed over the millions of millennia to help us help ourselves from getting dead. Getting dead makes reproduction difficult, so most of us are the descendants of human types that were able to avoid getting dead from snake bites by screaming and fleeing, generally simultaneously.

Simultaneous screaming and fleeing, with arms overhead, chimp-style. My suspicion is that chimps began running around like this to mock us, their misfit cousins. Those eccentric uprights with human pattern baldness who had lost much of their tree climbing ability, but gained the ability to text, and whine about mosquitos and ill-fitting shoes. So it goes.

In a display of the ultimate example of revenge being a dish better served cold, we waited a few million years and launched one of them into space. Ham the Astrochimp paid for the ego bruising transgressions of his ancestors. The species who laughs last laughs hardest.

On a recent road trip with my former good friend Paul (see last Ramblings column), we were in the middle of Kansas looking for a place to eat. As we rolled westward, I went a Googling to find out what food sources were on our horizon. Hays, Kansas, was coming our way, and there was a highly-rated restaurant known for its burgers and all-day breakfast. I’m a sucker for all-day breakfast, but on further inquiry Google said the place was closed on Sundays.

This particular day was indeed a Sunday, and after further Google attempts, it seemed that except for a sushi restaurant, the citizens of Hays have to fend for themselves on Sundays. I like sushi, but sushi in the middle of Kansas seemed like a bit of a figurative, and possibly literal, crap-shoot. Hunger clouded our judgement, and we set the navigation system to sushi.

The navigation system new better, and took us on some backroad route where we encountered several large “Road Closed” signs blocking the route between us and possible intestinal doom. We attempted to follow the “Detour” signs, but lost the trail. Not unusual for us. Despite these “signs” we were bound and determined to hunt down this evasive sushi. Dead fish shouldn’t be that difficult to hunt.

We stopped to try and figure out where we were, when what should appear, but the burger and all-day breakfast restaurant that Google said was closed. Google lied. Must be a bunch of vengeful chimps running that joint.

Signs…dumb luck…coincident…? I suppose that’s up to each of us to determine for ourselves. We determined that the burger and omelet hit the spot, and contently continued our way west into the Kansas sunset…a sure sign that another day was coming to a close. Get the most out of each one you’re given. Word on the street is that this Planet of the Apes thing is gaining traction, and we have a lot to answer for.