Often times when I’m standing in front of a class of 18 to 22 year-old college students I feel the need to bring a bit of harsh reality to their youthfulness. A few weeks ago, I was finding the fact that they are twice as young as myself particularly troubling, so I had them write their own obituaries. As with most assignments, some were good, some were not, and most were solidly mediocre and uninspiring. One made me laugh, just one out of 25 was kind enough to entertain me. So it goes.

Not wanting the youngsters to have all the fun, I wrote my obituary as well, and shared it with the class. I thought it was at least mildly entertaining, they read it, and gave me that patronizing smile that young people give in response to old people humor. What do they know anyway? Strutting around with their smooth skin and hair covered heads. There’s nothing funny about that. Oh, their funny is coming.

I apologize for the rant, old people do that sometimes. Anyway, as Mark Twain sort of said, “The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”

Joshua C. Ellis (45), was kicked to the curb of life on Wednesday November 15th, 2017, after suffering a short bout of brain freeze and third-degree burns while enjoying lunch with colleagues in the Chadron State College Cafeteria. Witnesses say he was attempting to quickly eat a fist-sized scoop of chocolate-caramel-fudge-peanut butter ice cream, so as not to be late for his 1:00PM Personal Health class. The third-degree burns were a result of lifesaving measures attempted by a student in his Personal Health class, who attempted to ease the anguish from the brain freeze by dumping a large bowl of lobster bisque soup on his face. Before succumbing to his fate, he thanked the student for their heroic attempt to end his misery, complimented the CSC dining staff on the subtle, yet complex, flavor of the soup, and with his final breath of life in this beautiful world, asked that his family be told that he loved them, and that the soup and ice cream splatters on his shirt please be contended with before the stains set in.

Josh was a loving family man, and leaves behind his wife Dawn of Rapid City SD, two children, Sierra (22) of Bozeman MT, Jackson (18) of Rapid City SD, and his beloved black lab, Pre (9 or 63). He was a deeply dedicated professional, who truly cared for each and every one of the students he had the pleasure of sharing his classrooms with over his 16-year career as a college professor. The Chadron State College campus was much more than a place of work for Josh, it was his second home, and he considered everyone that he was fortunate enough to share that home with, as family.

In accordance with his final wishes, an educator to the very end, Josh was immediately transported from the cafeteria to the Chadron State College cadaver lab, where his lifeless body will hopefully bring life to students budding dreams of a career in medicine.

A raucous celebration of his life is planned to take place during his cremation at the CSC homecoming bonfire next fall. The bonfire sea shanties will be led by the deceased’s good friend, Paul Richter of New Underwood, SD, the remaining member of their world renowned musical duo, “Donnybrook”. Gluten-free s’mores will be provided by Josh’s lovely bride of 21-years, as group flatulence and bonfires are in direct violation of state and federal fire codes. FR clothing is encouraged.

He is survived by all that have not yet died, and was preceded in death by all that have. In lieu of flowers (Josh couldn’t smell), please send monetary donations to Chadron State College in support of a campus-wide initiative to teach proper emergency life-saving skills, so others may be spared from suffering the same fate that befell our dearly departed.