Happy 4th of July to you and yours. I hope you managed to sufficiently, and somewhat safely, celebrate our independence from those British rascals across the pond, in whatever manner you saw fit. I suspect for many, you saw fit to fire up the grill and put a well-tended flame to a variety of meats, and hot dogs (meats crazy, inbred cousin that you feel obligated to invite to family gatherings because he makes the kids smile and keeps their filthy little sausages away from the ribeye). We all have a cousin like that, if you can’t think of one in your family, you’re probably it.

If you are a vegan, you spent the day lecturing anyone who would listen about the humanely virtues of your tofu dogs, and horrified by the sight, smell, and sound of meat being perfectly seared, and gleefully devoured by your carnivorous kin. Just kidding, you probably weren’t invited, since at the last family barbecue you pointed to your grandmother’s white leather orthopedic shoes and accused her of being an accessory to murder. So it goes.

I like meat…grilled, smoked, “crocked”, fried in butter (real butter), wrapped in bacon (real bacon)…mmmm good. For special outdoor type occasions, such as Independence Day, a ballgame, camping, a manhunt for a deranged vegan, I will put aside my aversion to sitting in the hot sun, eating hot food on rickety plates with subpar cutlery, while simultaneously attempting to prevent the wind from toppling my red solo cup. Don’t expect the same concessions to be made if you accompany me to a restaurant with the option of indoor or outdoor seating.

My wife, who is perpetually chilly (literally, not figuratively), would choose dining under the blazing sun over dining under the pleasantly cool breeze of an air-conditioning vent anytime. My argument is that she can put on a coat, moon boots, mittens, ear muffs or any other source of warmth, but I am socially bound to keep a certain amount of clothing on in public.

Generally, I am about as laid back a person as you will find (my dad always claimed I would soil myself if I were any more laid back…so far so good), but I am not above pouting, whining, and breaking out my rarely used cranky face, if forced into daytime outdoor dining when a perfectly acceptable indoor option is available. I love the outdoors, but I believe that the price of your meal at a restaurant is inclusive of the use of their structure for the prevention of sweat pooling in the seat of your trousers.

Enough whining about sweat soaked Underoos and windswept napkins. I hope you had an enjoyable holiday weekend doing whatever it is you and yours like to do on holiday weekends. Perhaps it’s belting out a wonderfully off-key version of Lee Greenwoods, “God Bless the USA”? Perhaps not. Whatever blows your hair back, we have options, because we are independent. Independence didn’t come easy, and it wouldn’t remain without the efforts and sacrifices of those that lay it on the line for all that we stand for, past, present, and future.

Happy Independence Day.