A warm, sunny semblance of summer is beginning to trickle in and take shape. School has been kicked to the curb, and for a few glorious months kids can revel in the unbridled joy of being as dumb as a sack of hammers in an ungraded, academic free Eden of ignorance. Some have taken up permanent residence in this Eden of ignorance, and spend thirteen months a year (give or take) gazing at the hammer’s in their sack. Hammers are fun.

I believe it was Mark Twain who once said, “When you have a hammer everything looks like a nail.” Mr. Twain may have had a point, when my brother and I had hammers our Tonka trucks looked like nails. When I had a rubber hammer, my brother’s head looked like a nail, a big round mouthy nail that pushed my buttons until I was left with only one obvious choice. Obvious to all my big brother brethren living in relentless irritation from a little brother.

Every year around this time we hear scuttle about how much learning is lost over the summer, and that we should go to school year-round like other countries. Do you know the source of this scuttle? I have a sneaky suspicion it’s parents that are terrified of the prospect of being the entertainment director for their kids all summer. I’m fairly certain it’s not teachers, and if it were, they would be silenced right quick by their co-workers who would suddenly see them as big round mouthy nails.

“The other countries score better than us in math” the do-gooders lament. Well jolly good for them, but they have to live in other countries. We get to live in America baby! I’ll take our freedoms over long division supremacy any day. You want to sacrifice everyone’s summer so your precious child can score a few points higher in standardized math tests? I have something for you in this sack of hammers I like to lug around. Without summer break things would get ugly quick. To be more specific, teachers would get ugly quick.

As they say, “If you can read this thank a teacher.” If you can’t read this, it’s because the math score ranking lunatics had summer break abolished, and all the teachers quit to pursue their karaoke careers in bars that serve two-for-one fishbowl Kamikaze’s and half priced happy hour bacon and jalapeño poppers. So it goes.

Our daughter opted to come home from college this summer and occupy her rent-free room. She seems to be enjoying Mom and Dad’s reduced rate meal plan, complete with laundry service and dog petting privileges. Our son has not had the opportunity of fending for his own room and board thrust upon him as of yet, so he is blissfully unaware of the potential hunger and hardships life can saddle one with outside the confines of a house owned and occupied by two gainfully employed adults that have a vested interest in his wellbeing.

It is good to have the whole family under one roof for the summer. I know summer’s like this are becoming a precious commodity. As the kids get older, the variables that pull them away from home seem to increase more and more, so I’ll take what I can get when I can get it. What more can we do? Enjoy your summer…it’s hammer time.