I hope Black Friday didn’t propel you headlong into any corners, posts, purses, or perfume displays. One would hate to be physically bruised and mentally dented this early in the holiday season. It’s a long limp to New Year’s. Long enough to work on a convincing sniffle, wheeze, and cough to ensure your very own bottle of champagne at the New Year’s celebration.

Aim your cough right and you could also make out like a bandit at the hors d’oeuvre table. The desired effect of this ploy lessens with each passing hour toward the midnight ball drop, and is completely disregarded once the slather of New Year’s kisses has dried up. Anything resembling food is fair game from that point forward, no matter how many times it’s been coughed on, kicked, or partially chewed.

My wife, the kids, and I went out for a Black Friday family stroll around the mall. The kids felt the need to ogle at stuff they don’t need, my wife was there to tell them why they didn’t need it, and I never pass up an opportunity to watch people being people. The mall on Black Friday loses its wild-eyed edge when you are simply there as an observer and have purposely left your cash and credit cards at home. That way if I lose my pants in some sort of mall mallei I’m not out anything…except my pants.

My wife had to work a bit on Thanksgiving, as many in the medical world do, so we had Thanksgiving at our house for any family that happened to be in the neighborhood. We had a houseful, and completely ignoring table manners, which are generally optional and often frowned upon, enjoyed visiting and laughing with mouths full of food and drink.

My father-in-law couldn’t make it this year, so I didn’t have to fight anyone for the grab bag of giblets hidden like a prize in about the only place a turkey without plumage could hide anything. Who was the first to think of “presenting” the nutritious and delicious offering of offal in such an odd and disturbing manner? A Columbian drug smuggler? An angry proctologist?

How does one find themselves at that end of the turkey assembly line? “Small hands, strong grip, excellent hand-eye coordination…Richter, come with me, I’ve got just the job for you. It pays a little more to offset the cost you’ll incur from psychotherapy, but just think of all the giblet loving smiles you’ll have a hand in.”

By my calculations, I believe we’re on course to finish our Thanksgiving leftovers a few hours prior to Christmas dinner. We plan on heading to Upstate North Dakota for Christmas this year so we can properly introduce ourselves to the newest edition of the clan. Congratulations to my brother Gabe and his wife, Marki, on the successful introduction of their second child into this world back on October 29th.

We’re all looking forward to meeting Perry Ardell Ellis and lending our voices and laughter to the soundtrack of his first Christmas. May you and yours enjoy the holiday season.