On July 16th, 2015 our son, Jackson, will click over one more notch on the odometer and celebrate his “Sweet Golden Birthday…Golden Sweet Birthday…” or something to that effect. Jackson has been a bundle of nerves for the past few weeks in anticipation of this momentously grand, golden, and sweet event (please read this sentence with thick and heavy sarcasm for proper conveyance of reality).

I didn’t think it possible, but the boy may be surpassing me in “laidbackness”. Which is troubling since my father proclaimed when I was teenager that, “If you were any more laid back you would soil yourself” or something along those lines…perhaps with a bit more colorful language thrown in for effect. Let the record reflect that this is a blatant exaggeration on behalf of my father as I have not soiled myself since college…or thereabouts…and it had nearly nothing to do with being laid back.

I’m not entirely sure where it began, but it appears that the outward expression of this laid back gene is intensifying with each generation. This does not bode well for my potential great-grandchildren (several…several years from now) who apparently will spend their lives shrugging and grunting indiscriminately from their hammock homes. I have to admit there is some allure to that life, but it doesn’t pay well and Depends are not cheap…so I’ve heard.

Do any of you remember your “golden” birthday? How about “Sweet 16”? Were they as shiny, sweet, and life changing as you had hoped or was it just another birthday? Just another day celebrating the completion of one more year free of suffering an unfortunate hotdog eating incident or zigging when you should have zagged…while eating a hotdog. Hotdogs are dangerous.

My wife asked Jackson what he wanted to do for his special day and got the same response we get for most questions asked of him, “don’t care”, “don’t know” or when the formation of syllables and other grammatical structure is just too much to deal with, “mmaahhmmah”. Sometimes he may get dramatic and throw in a discrete shoulder shrug to accompany his response. The shoulder shrug lets us know that he REALLY, “doesn’t care”, “doesn’t know”, or “mmaahhmmah”.

As of this writing I’m not sure what his big day will entail. Historically, the kids get to pick a place to go out and eat for their birthday. So the day will most likely find us dining at the Japanese Steak House where my wife and I will have the pleasure of translating the boys menu related grunts and shrugs to a server that has a rudimentary grasp of the language our son is sort of communicating in.

Teenagers are interesting creatures that seem to exist in an alternate universe from their parents and any other adult that may have the audacity to try and help them.

Jackson is a good kid. A bright young man that is polite, friendly, and fully in possession of the ability to verbally communicate intelligently and completely when he so chooses. Stay golden, stay sweet, and, for the most part, go ahead and stay laid back.

Happy Golden Sweet Birthday Jackson….and many…many more.