Generally I’m fairly indifferent when it comes to my reaction to the various advertising photos used in stores to depict how wildly wonderful the product being peddled supposedly is. People, mostly beautiful well groomed people, grinning like idiots as they gaze, awestruck, at the latest device meant to distract us from the boring world passing us by.

The picture is supposed to make us think, “If I buy that thing I to can grin like an idiot and be seen as beautiful and well groomed by all the people I won’t have to interact with while I’m staring mindlessly at a piece of plastic that will be in a landfill in some third world country before the banana’s on my kitchen counter go bad.”

A picture is worth a thousand words, which is fortunate, because nobody wants to be forced to read a thousand words anymore. I like pictures, pictures transport us to places we may never go and back to places we would like to go again. The reaction of one person to a photo is most likely not going to be the same reaction shared by absolutely everyone so I’m not sure what process a photo ad goes through before the powers to be deem it display floor worthy.

I was forced to venture into BestBuy recently with a friend that was in search of a gadget of some sort. BestBuy and I have a sorted past which has left our relationship a bit rocky so I don’t frequent it’s dazzling, buzzing, blinking electronic world much. As my buddy discussed his product of interest with a sales associate I wandered around aimlessly in awe of how much absolute crap was being peddled in this store.

Then I saw it. The photo advertisement that said a thousand or so words to me…none of them good or printable in a paper my grandma is going to be reading. It was a picture of lovely well groomed family of four clad in L.L. Beanish type apparel sitting around a campfire with the family tent standing in the background. The mom and daughter each have fluffy white marshmallows on a stick poised over the fire, the dad is sitting back with a mug of hot coffee clasped between his hands, and the boy…the boy is in the middle holding an iPad.

He’s holding an iPad and the whole beautiful well groomed gang, ma, pa, and little sister, are grinning like idiots as they all stare at whatever gem of humanity is being displayed on the magical rectangle held in the boys clutches. It is a sad, sad sort of affairs when a crackling, dancing campfire in the wilderness is upstaged by an electronic device.

In an effort to soothe and distract me my mind played out a lovely scenario of what followed minutes after the camera captured the atrocity in front of me.

The fluffy white marshmallows teetering unattended and ignored by mom and little sister burst into flames. Little sister screams and begins wildly waving her flaming marshmallow around and it flies off the stick landing on the sleeve of the boys L.L. Bean fleece jacket. The fleece jacket, which was not properly inspected during manufacturing, is found to be highly flammable and the sleeve is immediately engulfed in a marshmallow fueled inferno.

The mother, whose marshmallow is also ablaze, jumps up to save her precious boy and her marshmallow flies off her stick and lands on the tent which begins to simmer at the same rate as the fleece. Dear old dad jumps up, spills his piping hot coffee on his crotch, keels over from the searing pain and lands on his son snuffing the fleece fire out and knocking the iPad into the fire rendering it a very high priced shrinky dink.

Lessons learned. Campfires get angry when their ignored, you should always be diligently wary of siblings with flaming marshmallows, and surprisingly the warranty they sold you doesn’t cover “that”…or most likely anything else that could conceivably go wrong with your purchase.

Keep your head on a swivel…the holiday season is upon us.