The number of subcultures in our society is mind boggling and more than a little interesting. There are groups of people, large and small, that get together for activities, gatherings, and what have you on a regular basis that most of us are completely unaware of for various reasons. The main reason generally being that the particular activity of interest to that group is not of interest to you for various reasons. That main reason being that the activity is strange and the people that immerse themselves in it are even stranger.

I found myself in the middle of one such subculture awhile back when I attended a lecture at the local library on Fairburn agates. The lecturer was a gentleman that has written the most researched and informative book on the subject of Fairburn agates. You would be correct in assuming that the subject of Fairburn agates is not one that scientists and authors clamor to research and write about on a regular basis.

For those that don’t know a rock from a road apple or could care less about stumbling around a barren, treeless South Dakota landscape under a blazing sun in search of the rock in a pile of rocks the Fairburn agate is a banded agate that can only be found in southwestern South Dakota and northwestern Nebraska. I’m sure I’ve explained this before but some of you may have been absent, drowsy, or heavily medicated that day so I thought it best to review a bit.

So I decided to attend this lecture by the guru of the elusive Fairburn to see if the old chap had anything useful to say. I soon realized that everything he was saying I had read in his book so this offered me a brief pardon from having to actually listen and pay attention and allowed me to people watch while people were preoccupied.

My first observation was that there were a lot of strange people in the room, people that looked like they had spent so many hours looking at rocks that they had lost their marbles. Marbles are round and smooth so they roll away and get stuck in small hard to reach places and are generally irretrievable once lost. Many of them were clutching rocks they had brought from their personal collection for the guru to gaze upon. Did they bring their rocks everywhere? Why did everyone there seem to come by themselves…not counting their rock?

When you are observing a lot of strange people in a room and you are in the room it just might be that you are one of those strange people. The thought that I had briefly thought about grabbing my favorite rock to bring as a date to the lecture and introduce to the guru made me cringe a little. The fact that I had left it home somehow made me feel a marble or two heavier than those seated around me gentling cradling their prized rock as the lecturer read exerts from his book that he also conveniently had for sale in case anyone in attendance didn’t have one.

At the conclusion of this lecture we were allowed to take a gander at the many rocks the lecturer had brought with him. The guru had fashioned a brief case into a handy rock hauler/display case that held about 30 Fairburn agates. I looked at the brief case and thought, “This guys nuts” while several others inspected it and made promises to their rocks that they would make one just like it when they got home.

My second thought was, “While these wacko’s are setting up play dates for their rocks I could snag that entire case.” I was confident none of them would throw their rocks at me and even more confident that the rock landscaping in front of the library would provide the perfect distraction if any of them attempted to run me down.

If I ever become the Grand Poobah of the Fairburn Agate subculture my first order of business will be to mandate that all members must bring an actual person with them to gatherings. This mandate will be enforced through a 1:1 ratio law stating that a member must bring an equal number of rocks and people to gatherings. You come in packing a brief case full of rocks you better have arrived with a bus load of people. Section two of the 1:1 ratio law will state that for every conversation you have with a rock you must have a conversation of equal length with a person.

Well I better go. I promised my rock I would take it out for a twist cone and a dilly bar. Your assignment for next month is to locate and infiltrate a subculture…be careful out there.