My youngest brother, with a lot of help from his wife, became a father on April 17th with the birth of their son Otto. What pearls of wisdom does a seasoned battle scarred vet in the fatherhood vocation have to share with his little brother? What have I learned in the 16 years since I first slipped on the fatherhood galoshes and started slogging my way through the muddled path of parenthood? Good question…maybe in another 16 years I’ll have a good answer.

The only unsolicited advice I’ve offered up to these two fine young people is that at all costs they are to avoid any and all books about parenting. There is no book on raising your child, there are books written by others about how they raised their children. Their children are not your children and you are not them so save your money and by something useful like a bottle of bourbon or a chimp that’s trained to change diapers.

Real parents don’t have time to write a book on parenting let alone read one. I made the mistake of seeking out the advice of a parenting book when I first became a father and my wife has never forgiven me. The parents that authored that particular book recommended that during the first six months it was perfectly fine to allow your child to sleep in your bed at night when they “occasionally” became fussy.

Guess how “occasionally” a baby becomes fussy once they figure out that they get to sleep in your bed when they become fussy? Also, the word “fussy” does not begin to convey the volume and effort a baby is capable of when they are miffed. The little tyrants will bawl their fool heads off at 3 o’clock in the morning for no apparent reason and with no regard for the fact that mommy and daddy have to get up early and go to work to pay for Juniors swimming lessons, his shiny new Johnny Jump Up, and a plethora of other such necessities.

Advice? Kids don’t need everything they claim they need and they will not suffer any permanent damage from not getting everything they claim they need. Also, your kids don’t need everything other parents claim they need and will not suffer any permanent damage from not getting everything other parents claim they need.

As parents you are the captain of the ship, the seas may be rough from time to time but never relinquish the wheel to the kids. You’ll never get it back and when the ship sinks you’ll still get the blame even if you were innocently and obliviously milling about the poop deck in your Birkenstocks and socks when the iceberg was struck.

When it comes to this parenting gig I have faith in my brother and my sister-in-law. They say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and they both come from pretty stable strong trees that have produced a lot of good apples. A fair share of nuts as well but good apples just the same.

The only advice I have that I am certain of is that no matter how much of tangled mess things seem these first few years of parenthood every once in awhile take a moment to soak it all in because it goes by fast. As our children grow and their worlds get bigger our part as parents gets smaller so enjoy this time when they need you for most everything. Let the needing begin.