Cooking, dishes, laundry, cooking, dishes, laundry…..the three horsemen of my apocalypse are attempting to drain the life out of me. It’s not so bad when there’s two of you to share the joys of the big three, but with my wife away at college it’s all me, all the time. I had a handle on it for awhile, but the handles been growing increasingly absent.

The kids are showing less and less enthusiasm for the meals I prepare, and have began offering up their birthday money for pizza delivery. It’s not that I’m a bad cook, it’s just that I lack a little in the variety department. There are four or five meals I make really well, and really often.

This worked out just fine when my meals were dispersed randomly and less frequently amongst Dawn’s four star creations. Dawn would research and plan a weeks worth of meals, and grocery shop accordingly. I begin my planning when I open the cupboard at supper time, and grocery shop when the cereal is all gone, the breads moldy, and I can’t positively identify the leftovers.

Dawn loves to try new recipes. I love that the church serves supper every Wednesday night. Being a former alter boy I’m always given preferential treatment and the finest table. Dawn hangs new recipes on the fridge for me to try when she’s gone, but, well, you know, they seem so complicated. A bowl, a spoon, a box of cereal, a jug of milk, there is such beauty in the simple things.

It’s the whole time trade off that I can’t get past. Energy expended versus energy gained. In the wild a tiger won’t chase a yak all day long. The tiger knows that in order to survive it has to expend less energy chasing the yak than it can gain from eating the yak. Five years of biology classes and that’s all I remember. Oh, yeah, and that the buffalo’s hooves are good for aerating the soil.

What does this mean? Your lawn will be lush and green if you can train a buffalo to push your lawn mower. Also, that I don’t want to spend an hour preparing a meal that takes 10 minutes to eat. That’s an energy loss for me. Baked Alaska, energy loss, but, can of baked beans, energy gain. Not to mention the hours of entertainment provided after digestion. Fiber equals fun.

Then of course you have the other downfall of the intricate, fancy, shmansy meal, dishes. Dishes, dishes, dishes, don’t get me started on the dishes, because there’s still a clean plate we can share. Yes we do have a dishwasher, but I can’t put the dirty ones in there, when I’m using it rather than the cupboards to store the clean dishes.

I was complaining about dishes to someone a while back and they asked me, “Don’t you have a dishwasher?” to which I replied (Dawn loves this one), “Yes, but she’s away at college.” Funny huh? No, not funny? Okay honey, I’ll finish the dishes.

Sometimes when I’m in the kitchen whining about energy losses, and training buffalo, I think about how hard my wife is working to succeed in school, and the sacrifices she’s making being away from me and the kids. I’ve got the easy part. She’s got a yak to catch.