2005 is gone. It’s now categorized, labeled, and filed away into the ‘Years Gone By’ vault. There it is already accumulating a fine dusting of memories which, in time, will build into a thick layer of nostalgia. Exactly how long it takes for a particular year to ripen into full blown vintage nostalgia I’m not sure.

I guess it may be different for everyone, depending on what went on in your world that particular year. So now that you’ve flipped the pages on another year, just what do you have to show for it? Besides, rug burns, indigestion, and blood shot eyes from the New Years Eve party. Not to mention a napkin with the phone number of that little honey that kissed you at midnight, “Phil, thanks for a wonderful time. Love Frankie”

Did you accomplish everything you set out to do this past year? Eat better? Eat less? Exercise more? Make lefsa? Eat lefsa? Quit smoking? Lose weight? Relax more? Stop being scared of clowns? Watch less TV? Stop making obscene phone calls? Lower your cholesterol? Raise your wife’s blood pressure? Win the Nobel peace prize? Compete in a triathlon? Cure baldness? Find a women that appreciates you for more than your chiseled good looks?

Yes? No? Maybe? Don’t want to talk about it without your lawyer present? Well I tell you what, you think it over and get back to me. I like to hear stories of people overcoming great odds and adversity to successfully complete their yearly ‘to do’ list.

Here’s a valuable tip for your yearly ‘to do’ list. Never share it with anyone that will hold you to it or remind you of it on a regular basis. This allows you to quietly dispose of it at the end of each year without ridicule or a need for lame excuses.

I came upon this little pearl of wisdom the hard way when I blabbed the ‘run a marathon’ portion of one of my ‘to do’ lists to everyone I knew. I cursed myself and that stupid ‘to do’ list the entire 26.2 miles.

Speaking of pearls of wisdom. I spent the past week in Lignite enjoying Christmas with family and friends. A few of those nights I became disorientated and somehow found myself in the 109 Club. I was under the impression that it was a club for people that planned to live to be 109 years old. If this is the case this clubs methods are very enjoyable compared to other methods I’ve read about in health journals.

After my resume was reviewed a brief interview was conducted and I was granted a probationary club membership pending further investigation and back ground checks. The club president told me that with my pedigree I should have no problem becoming a full blown card caring member.

During the club meeting Uncle Buck informed me of these simple rules to live by: If you’re going to work, you work. If you’re going to church, you pray. If you’re going to the club, you drink. And my personal favorite, “Sometimes all you need is a little change in latitude.”

An occasional change in latitude may be all you need at the top of your ‘to do’ list to make 2006 not only memorable but reeking of nostalgia.

From my club to yours, Happy New Year.