I called my mom on the 5th to wish her a happy birthday, because that’s what a good son does, and she informed me that the yearly school head lice checks had just been completed. She was pleased to report that all of the students at Burke Central were head lice free. Unfortunately that wasn’t the case when I was wee lad attending third grade there.

Ahh…the memories. Each class was taken down to the designated head lice checking area, so each student could have their hair searched by one of the friendly volunteers. Something you never want to hear when having someone in the medical profession examining any part of you is, “Oh, oh” as they turn to one of their co-workers and say, “Could you take a look at this?” Not good. That’s exactly what I heard as the rubber gloves searching my scalp suddenly stopped, and decided that whatever it was in my hair needed to be looked at under a microscope. So after the potential villain was plucked from my head along with several innocent hairs, all the nurses gathered round the microscope for a look. After a brief period of intense examination they all nodded broke huddle and called my mom to come and get her lice infested kid.

As I waited for my mom to come get me I watched them place all of the contents of my desk into a bag for delousing or something of that nature. I don’t recall being embarrassed at all, mostly amused, and somewhat happy as I thought about getting a little vacation from school. My brother Jarvis wasn’t amused at all, he was embarrassed. He was in the grade below me and was told that he had to go home too just in case he was harboring any of the little rodents.

When mom got there she was given a brochure, “Dealing With Your Filthy Head Lice Infested Kid” That might not be the exact title. So we go home and mom’s asking me where I could have gotten lice. I didn’t have a clue, but then she started reading through the brochure, which highlighted several ways of contracting lice. Using someone’s comb, a pillow, a hat…. a hat… Just then it all became very clear. It seems that someone else in my class also had head lice that they had gotten from a fox that their dad had shot. The very same person that owned the stocking cap that I swiped and put on my head and ran around with until she beat me and took it back. Ah, hah! Dad wasn’t real amused. He couldn’t understand why I would put someone else’s stocking cap on. He has since learned not to try and understand why I do anything that I do; it’s just easier that way. I think he also threatened to shave my head if I ever did anything like that again. That would have been a devastating blow to my young developing mullet, so I agreed to find other means of which to entertain myself.

My name is Josh and I have been head lice free for 23 years.